HOW TO COMPROMISE IN MARRIAGE LIFE

Compromise – no matter how difficult – is a necessary part of any successful, enduring marriage. For two people to work together as a team, each member must give and take once in a while. But many of us have no idea how to compromise. You’re probably used to making decisions that satisfy you and you alone. Once you commit to marriage, you must consider the needs, wants, and happiness of your husband or wife. That means being willing to compromise. Here is a step-by-step guide to the art of compromise:

 Communicate your needs and wants.

Use "I" statements to communicate to your spouse exactly what you need or want in the relationship. For example, you might say, "I want to live in the city because it's closer to my work, which will cut down on my commute, and I like the excitement of it, whereas I'm bored here in the suburbs." Or you could say, "I feel ready to start trying to have kids because we're married, financially stable, and my biological clock is ticking." What's important here is to speak for yourself only without making assumptions about your spouse's needs or wants and to express what you want and why. Also, you must refrain from attacking your spouse with demands. You have to realize you might not get everything for which you ask.

In no particular order, here are things that many men often want from their wives.

Note that these are "wants" -- not emotional needs. As individuals, we are each responsible for filling our own emotional needs.

We believe that the four basic emotional needs are the need to be loved and to love; the need to belong; the need for a good self-image; and the need for autonomy.

Believe in his capabilities

Many men believe it is important for them to protect and provide for those they love. Let your husband know that you believe in his talents and skills and are supportive of him.

Understanding

One of the ways you can both tell and show your husband that you want to understand him is by making a commitment to daily dialogue with him. Daily dialogue only takes 20 minutes out of your day. Isn't your husband worth 20 minutes each day?

Affirmation

Most guys like to be patted on the back. Compliment your husband often. Just don't over do it with sicky sweet oozes of how great he is. That type of affirmation can backfire.

Acceptance

Many husbands are hurt and angered when their wives try to change them. Realize that the only person that you can change is yourself.

Less Chatter

Don't yakety-yak all the time. If your husband is tired, or involved with a project, and you really want to talk to him about something, get to the point or schedule a time with him to have the talk.

Respect

Show respect for your husband by not making negative comments about his thoughts and opinions, by being considerate of his plans, and by avoiding the "eye roll" when listening to him.

Free Time

Most everyone has a desire for some quiet time alone, and time to re-energize, regroup, and reconnect. When your husband first gets home from work, allow him some free time to unwind. Don't over-schedule his days off with projects around the house.

Trust

Trust is vital in the success of a marriage. If you are having doubts about your husband and find it difficult to trust him, seek counseling -- not spying.

Companionship

Hopefully, you can say that your husband is not only your lover, but also your friend. Staying friends and companions through the years requires that you find ways to make time to be together and to do things

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EMOTIONAL NEEDS

So often we hear folks say that their spouse is not fulfilling their emotional needs. When we ask what needs are not being fulfilled, people mention things that are not emotional needs but what we consider to be wants and desires. You need to take responsibility for filling your own needs.

Four Basic Emotional Needs

·The need to love and be loved.

·The need to belong and have a sense of purpose in life.

·The need to have a positive self image.

·The need for autonomy, that is a need for some personal, private space and control.

Some may add the need for security to this list of emotional needs. We believe that people who love and are loved, who have a sense of belonging and can see purpose to their lives, who believe in themselves, and who have a sense of control over their own lives are secure individuals.

Meeting Your Emotional Needs

Expecting your spouse to fill your emotional needs is not only unfair, it is unreasonable. You should take responsibility for filling your emotional needs yourself.

"If you are looking to a partner to make you feel worthwhile, to make you feel happy, to rescue you from a bored or unhappy married life, if you are seeking someone to make you feel complete or whole -- well then you have some work to do, because these are needs that are never going to be met by any one other than yourself,". To put those demands on someone else is to set up yourself -- and the relationship -- for failure."

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RIGHT SPOUSE IS IMPORTANT FOR HAPPY MARRIED LIFE

Happiness and Emotional Support is what everyone looks for in their spouse. Although expecting a spouse to make you feel happy all the time is unreasonable, being with the right person can bring happiness and a sense of personal strength to your life.

If your choice really is the right person, you will feel the support and encouragement about your own growth both emotionally and intellectually. The right person will want you to be emotionally healthy and able to stand on your own two feet. When you are with the right person you will feel good about yourself, safe, and fulfilled.

It is important that the person you marry is someone who understands and is agreeable to your wants and needs when it comes to varied faces of affection.

You will know you are with your soul mate when your spouse says "I love you" not only in words spoken, but by loving actions. We define loving actions as doing things such as noticing when you are tired, remembering your birthday, wanting to spend time with you, listening to you, showing you respect, calling if you are running late, showing you affection, being patient with you if you don't understand something.

You will know you are marrying the right person if you are emotionally compatible with one another.

Your choice is your soul mate if they are kind, considerate, and polite. Little things in life such as saying 'thank you' and holding a door open may seem old fashioned, but they do reflect the amount of caring and kindness in a person.

Having different likes and different opinions is okay as long as the two of you agree to disagree. Although you may not always agree with one another, conversations with the right person will be interesting and not boring. The right person will communicate thoughts and feelings with you and will not keep hurts and concerns bottled up inside.

RIGHT SPOUSE IS IMPORTANT FOR HAPPY MARRIED LIFE

Happiness and Emotional Support is what everyone looks for in their spouse. Although expecting a spouse to make you feel happy all the time is unreasonable, being with the right person can bring happiness and a sense of personal strength to your life.

If your choice really is the right person, you will feel the support and encouragement about your own growth both emotionally and intellectually. The right person will want you to be emotionally healthy and able to stand on your own two feet. When you are with the right person you will feel good about yourself, safe, and fulfilled.

It is important that the person you marry is someone who understands and is agreeable to your wants and needs when it comes to varied faces of affection.

You will know you are with your soul mate when your spouse says "I love you" not only in words spoken, but by loving actions. We define loving actions as doing things such as noticing when you are tired, remembering your birthday, wanting to spend time with you, listening to you, showing you respect, calling if you are running late, showing you affection, being patient with you if you don't understand something.

You will know you are marrying the right person if you are emotionally compatible with one another.

Your choice is your soul mate if they are kind, considerate, and polite. Little things in life such as saying 'thank you' and holding a door open may seem old fashioned, but they do reflect the amount of caring and kindness in a person.

Having different likes and different opinions is okay as long as the two of you agree to disagree. Although you may not always agree with one another, conversations with the right person will be interesting and not boring. The right person will communicate thoughts and feelings with you and will not keep hurts and concerns bottled up inside.

We all go through ups and downs a few suggestions can get you back on track

Marriage opens up an entirely new phase in ones phase .especially when a person get married to our choice ,there are plenty of hard realities  that couple realize after the honeymoon period is over. But that’s not the sad part, rather that’s how we understand each other even deeply

FOR WIVES –

Take care-

Of course couples are supposed to take care each other’s care but somehow his family expects to the girl to become his nanny and change all his annoying habits ( which may be pleasing to you ) overnight.

Resemble your Mother-in-law-

Men, no matter how romantic of a boyfriend they made, want to see their wives to be just like their mothers .so buckle up yourselves ladies to imitate your mother in law in almost every way.

Your guests ,his family!-

Even when your parents come to visit you,yo should behave like a daughter to your in-laws (within the limit of a Bahu), while the husband gets to be the `jamai raja’ at all times

FOR HUSBANDS

You’ll have to take someone’s side-

You may have to face that difficult situation when you have to pick either wife’s or mother’s side. No matter, which side you take,be ready for the emotional torture from the opposite side.you’ll have to take it.

Arguments are bound -

Arguments are bound to occur when two different individuals are living together. To satisfy husband’s male ego, he should be given the last word in any argument, while to satisfy wife’s emotional needs , he should be the first to apologize.

Her mother is her best friend-

Your wife is going to share every tiny bit of your and other relationships with her mother. But husbands should never do the same.

In a society in which egocentricity, self-gratification, narcissism, and selfishness are glorified, it has become more and more difficult to establish good relationships of any kind. People want desperately to find closeness and warmth, but they have forgotten the art of sharing, of communicating and cooperating, of adjusting. They have forgotten that lasting relationships require patience and forbearance. What is more, such relationships require concern and consideration, and even sacrifice.

      A good marriage is an intimate and loving relationship which gives both partners security, friendship, companionship, support, comfort, and deep love that penetrates every aspect of life. None of this can be achieved without work and sacrifice.

      Marriage may be compared to a plant that requires daily nurture, daily attention, daily care and cultivation. It will not develop of its own accord; only as effort and will are exerted will it grow and mature. For a marriage to succeed, both husband and wife must be committed to its success. They must build an enduring love relationship that is centered in the heart of their consciousness. Their relationship must be nurtured with the water of loyalty and love.

         The greatest bond that will unite the hearts of man and wife is faithfulness and loyalty.    
          Both must exercise toward each other the utmost faithfulness and loyalty and not let   
          any trace of jealousy creep between them...

The man and his wife must dedicate their knowledge, their talents, their fortunes, their titles, their bodies, and their spirits. Their thoughts must be lofty, their ideals luminous, their hearts spiritual, and their souls the dawning-places of the rays of the Sun of Reality.... Their hearts must be spacious, as spacious as the Universe of God 

 You must irrigate continually the tree of your union with the water of love and affection, so that it may remain green and verdant throughout all seasons, producing the most  luscious fruits for the healing of nations....

Endeavor as far as you are able to lay the foundation of your love in the very center of your spiritual being, in the very heart of your consciousness, and do not let this foundation of love be shaken in the least.